So Im still alive

Oh damn I havent been here in over a year. Jesus 

Hello! Damn if my last 2 posts were anything to go by I was having a pretty rubbish time which was about as fun as you would imagine it to be. 

But today as I was looking back on old memories I thought, hey, why not write a post, why not see if anyone is still out there. 

So this is me one year later. After probably the biggest struggle of my life. I still work in the same place sure but now I have the most amazing girlfriend. Now I am getting happier each day!!

God I missed blogging, getting to weite out the cool things I did then reading back on them <3 

Maybe this is me coming back. Just another step to getting my life back on track!! 

Bye for now~

Alex xx

On Depression II

Back in August I made a post about treating people the same whether theyre diagnosed with depression or not. 

I was the or not. 

Since then Ive been doing mostly badly. My mood went up and down like a roller coaster, the up times were great but the down were the worst. Ive never felt so bad, and for what? There was literally no trigger. 

It was about the time of wanting to die, self harm and smoking did I think 'I need help' 

I went to the doctors and after years of going up and down I got help. Im on anti-depressants. Theyll take about 2 weeks to kick in so until then Im a bit on edge. 

I never really understood depression until I felt it myself, you really cant snap out of it. And as much as the stigma is still attached its not attention seeking.

Nobody wants to feel like dying. People dont want to cry for no reason. To want to throw themself in front of a car because they see no future for themselves. 

And nobody deserves to feel that way. If youre struggling, please get help. I panicked so much before going to the doctors but now Im glad I did. She was lovely and they are there to help. 

I for one cant wait to get my life back on track. Maybe I'll actually get back into all the things I used to love. 

Although rn I just need to change how I think. Cause I feel like Im using it as an excuse now? Even though I know its a real thing that Im having to take stuff for. It is ridiculous that I of all people am suffering. 

Although once I understand that and am feeling better myself I want to help others who are suffering. And to educate people on depression because I figure so many people have no idea what theyre dealing with. Im quite sure my parents dont. And in the past I wouldnt know what to do either. 

Moral of the story- dont be afraid to get help and dont be afraid to tell the people around you so they can help

So that was my poorly written announcement. I dont care who knows about it, it doesnt need to be a secret. 

The only way is up~ or something c:

Ive got Expo to go to, much up thank you <3

Self self self~

I'm actually getting back into blogging omg <3 I really fell out with social media since I dropped my phone :'3 I don't even remember how long ago it was but after smashing the screen and getting it fixed it didn't work properly ;n;

Couldn't log into so much stuff which sucked since 90% of blog related stuff I did on my phone. But nooow I have iPhone5c <3 Super love it!

So I guess this is a 'I'm back!' announcement c: Can't wait to finally finish all my old posts! cons/ concerts/ etc

And to make this post worth it here's some camhos~

Before I went out on Friday ^-^ (I go out to bars and stuff now, wtf) 

Manami cosplay~! from Hyper Japan, will blog about sooooon

Yesterday! before going to Brighton ^^

Now I'm gonna sit around all day bc it's bank holiday~! feels like Christmas

ciao ciao <3

On Depression

(Couldnt I have talked about something happier after all this time? No)

So as you probably know Robin Williams died recently, due to depression. It is sad :c how someone who made so many people laugh was himself so unhappy. 

This post btw isnt about Robin Williams but about general unhappy. 

Depression is something that is diagnosed, you go to a doctor when youve been feeling low for a long time and thats what they tell you. Then you can tell other people and then they can understand simply why you cant snap out of it. 

But then there are so many people who suffer in silence, who maybe are just having a hard time or think that they cant possibly have depression and cannot bother their loved ones by making a thing about it. 

What about them?

You wont treat them differently because you dont know. Because they cant talk to someone. They are stuck feeling low or just blank and nobody will help. Cant tell them to snap out of it either. 

It difficult to explain but even though they havent been diagnosed it doesnt mean they arent feeling as bad as someone who has. 

So treat everyone the same way. 

Example- I wouldnt go as far to say ive ever suffered depression but Ive had times, that can last for months at a time where Ive felt simply awful. Lose interest in everything, thinking it would a lot easier to not exist, or feeling completely numb and indifferent to everything. Its not fun. Even right now my mood goes up and down several times a day, its tiring. 

From an outsiders point of view my

problem wouldnt be so big of a deal, Id get over it. Right? Someone over there had depression so stop moaning. Wrong. 

Be mindful of people. Someone diagnosed with a mental illness (so not just depression, stuff like anxiety) does not become more important to worry about than someone whos not. 

For all you know the only difference is having a doctors opinion or not. 

Saying that if you do think youre suffering from depression, or any problem...

Talk to someone

 Family, friends, co-worker, even the internet can be like a massive support group.

Bottling up and hiding isnt healthy and there is no way it will help you. Just gotta have a bit of courage right? 

If you need help find it, and if someone comes to you for it, help them. 

~

Dear god that was serious.

Bye? <3 

London MCM Expo May 2014 ^o^ Friday!

Oh my god I swear all I write about is Expo xD 99% of my photos are selcas...I'm not sorry :3

Expo was of course wonderful as it always is! I'm still tired from it though ^-^' too many late nights this week ;n;

Okay okay so Friday I came from home as Shima! I don't think I'll ever get bored cosplaying him~ he's just so- urgh <3

I got up early so I had lots of time for camhoing

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE ONE <3

I look so glowy~

Time for a change in angle wtf

 

Compulsory goodbye picture with Haru-chan ;n; 

 

Okay so all packed after finishing my Pit cosplay the evening before and I went to get the train woo :D We planned to all meet at a certain time so I organised traveling around that BUT THEN a tree fell down on the track :c

 

The train had to stop and then the power went out so I was sitting there for an hour, bored as hell ;n;

 

So I took a picture of myself

 

Omg though I was super tired so I put my feet up on my case and tried to nap instead xD and finnalllyyy we got moving again, and they said we could have a refund, which I plan on doing, although honestly I wasn't pissed off or anything, it wasn't their fault a tree wanted to fall down in the middle of the day~ some passanger thought they'd be all smart with remarks but I'm like...shut up plz.

 

So so because it was late it went to Kings Cross instead of where it was going to go (a less main station) and since Im rubbish at knowing routes I had to try and re-work out how I was gonna get to Expo! I had no idea D; I got so far until the DLR where I was mega confused, luckily I ran into some cosplayers and went with them :'3 they were super nice!

And sooo finally I got there and had to drag my tired ass all the way around the Excel with my case and beyond to meet Tasha who came to get me ^-^

 

We stayed at super budget hotel (so sad, no kettle!) where I met Caitlin and Jack~ who was part of the hotel group with me Tasha and Rachel c:

 

Finally we go to Expo :D it was really strange how we had to go through the side to get in, but the queue was like, non-existant which was awesome!

 

Like a bee to honey I went to the cute stall first :'3 but I didn't buy anything until Sunday wtf. I can't believe this was only two weeks ago and my brain is just 'what?'

 

I think we did lots of wondering around, and sitting down. Oh oh I had the most yummy bagel I've ever had in my life for lunch, it was just simple stuff like ham, cheese and lettuce but it was so nice. I didn't even know bagels could be so good *o*

 

While we was outside I heard a 'Shima!' and then got a hug, which is where I met Beks ^-^ Who I have on Facebook and is so damn cool and an amazing cosplayer and her Rin is just *o* Although she was cosplaying from Sword Art Online~

 

JUST LOOK

 

I got the hug right, then she ran off but then came back :'3 I wasn't forgotten!

 

Had to take a selfie of course!

 

(I really hope she doesn't mind me sharing this pic but I love love love it) One of her friends had this KPP mameshiba with her (those goddamn things) and was getting cosplayers to take a picture with it and so I did <3 She was really nice too ^o^

Also while outside met this damn tall Bon cosplayer o-o I thought I was a decent height...but then D; who needed some cheering up actually which I hope I did good at!  (I'm nice, see?)

 

A stolen picture >w< but we spent a lot of time sitting up on this hill ^ ^
Wtf I don't actually have a picture of Claire D:

 

She, Tasha and Caitlin were all cosplaying frim The Regular Show which is a cartoon I've never seen, but still they looked awesome! <3 mad creative how they personified it~

 

So there is a funny story about being on this lovely hill. As you can see there is a keyboard, which is Claire's for her character. And while she was sitting there some weird Asian guy (that;s the name he ended up with) asked if she had like a back-up battery thing for it?? First thoughts 'It must be about the camera' because Caitlin's camera was running out of battery. But no, it was the keyboard.

 

Claire was like 'its from the 80's' so no. Poor girl xD after that he simply would not go away. I don't even know what he was talking about, honestly I zoned out while Tasha started taking selfies. Leaving poor Claire to suffer this weird guy talking to her :'3 ehehehe.

 

3 types of people at cons:

Super friendly people

Picky 'elitist' people

Socially inept people

 

He was actually spotted over the weekend again but luckily he didn't recognise her!...God he was just...I don't know.

 

On the hill I made friends with a pigeon that was in the bush. I swear it was my friend, it was so cute ah! Sitting there and eating stuff aw~ Tasha told it off for being noisy and scary, for rustling the leaves. How rude.

I can't remember if I took this when weird Asian guy was there or not, but it was on the hill so its relevant!

Me and Tasha ^o^ she's a gumball machine :'3

Me and Rachel...cosplaying as 'Rachel who's been at work' poor thing :<

 

Later on when me and Rachel went back inside to get her suitcase from the thing I heard a 'Steph!' and was like what? I didn't even recognise her at first cause I'd only seen her as Mikoto from K Project ><

But it was Vy-Vy ^o^ I've already forgotten what she was cosplaying from oops. But looks so cool!
I felt bad for not recognising her but then she did it to me on the Saturday so we're even~

 

I think after lots of hill sitting we went back to the hotel c: Got introduced to Yowamushi Pedal, which I now love and am gonna cosplay from. And ate pizza and played Animal Crossing til bedtime

 

Aaand I guess that concludes day 1 of Expo yo! (Why the yo? I don't know.)

 

Update update!

Time for a sit down chat. Well a sit down I type you read.

I'm sorry I've been such a super super long time :c I bet all the readers have left xD oops. FORGIVE ME

First of all is just on car. I don't have much to say wtf. It's back and fixed and Im so happy to be able to drive around again <3 I missed it!

And what have I done in this month+ that I havent been blogging? oh my god hopefully I actually did stuff wtf.

Oh I went to Kyary Pamyu Pamyu concert! It was awesome c: Am working on a post on it at the moment actually~  she is so cute. And and talking of concerts, I've got tickets to see Babymetal! Eeeeeee! <3

And then speaking of tickets, Expo is NEXT WEEKEND HOLY FU-

I'm still making my cosplay, its like, maybe half done? /cries. This is what I get for leaving it last minute. I can't sew, really cannot.

This part needs to be on a new section. It is to do with Expo, cause I had to completely re-plan my plans for Expo, on Tuesday, such short notice, because I was cosplaying with the bf, who is now my ex-bf since he broke up with me TT so many not okays there, but I'm not going to go into and rant, I'm not that bitchy. I can save the chatting and emoing to my friends ;n; So Im not so excited for Expo as normal but hey, if I finish the cosplay I'll be so happy and I'm sure I'll like wearing the last minute re-dos when Im actually there and stuff :'3

Since I probably wont have time to blog- the cosplays will be:
Friday: Shima - Blue Exorcist
Saturday: Rin - Matryoshka vers, Vocaloid
Sunday: Pit - Kid Icarus/ SSBB (the one Im making)

Also coming up soon (Monday!) I'm going to be turning 20 years old o-o I can't cope, where are my teenage years?! I feel old D:

I was supposed to be talking about what I did, not what I'm doing wtf

So I guess I was 100% distracted with having a bf and thats why I've not blogged. Makes sense ah.

Now I'm all sexy, free and single I can go back to blog loving <3 I don't even take so much selcas at the mo- oh wait yes I do, never mind.

Oh look there's one now!

 

I dyed under my hair pink but now its blue :'3 I'll offload all other glorious selfies at a later time, I'm tired xD need bed. zzz.

 

Okay uh, so just so you know that I didn't die or anything ^-^

 

Ciao darlings~ <3

Why So Serious?

I don't like watching TV shows that people argue in (example: Jeremy Kyle, the long version of the news, etc) because I just sit there like 'why are you throwing a tantrum?'

It just bewilders me how so often people choose to get mad about stuff. Getting pissed isn't good for your health you know~

Okay okay I have a lot of beliefs about stuff and I'll stand by them but if somebody says something- 9/10 I'm just gonna float on by and ignore it, why do I want to ruin my time by getting mad at arguing? It makes no sense!

Like I can easily carry on about what I'm doing and being happy and what not, while the commenter...well they get to sit there in their ball of negative and just soak in until they get stress wrinkles. Ha.

That is such a satisfying thought :'3 TAKE THAT. I hope you don't get ill from being so angry all the time hehehehe

It's even worse when somebody says a bitchy comment just to get a reaction and then ends up like 'omg I am so annoyed' because somebody argued with them about it. I'm like...well wtf did you expect.

I used to think people stop acting like children when they grow up.

It's such a waste of time to get angry, it doesn't achieve anything and it only makes you feel bad...and makes you look childish.

Although~ ranting is fun so uh, do it with consideration. Like, don't be surprised when somebody argues with you, don't be all high and mighty about it, just you know... don't be a douche

Be like me

I mean what

I think sometimes I'm too lazy to get annoyed, sitting in bob standard happiness is a lot easier than working myself up.

Peace out yo (was that a pun? It might of been)