Self Confidence

I have none.

To me, being happy with your appearance is what will help self confidence. Like many people I've thought for years that I want to be pretty, and like a lot of unfortunate people I was pulled into the world of photoshopped models at the age of 13 or 14 years old.

Although back in the day I did buy some make up and things, but really, trying to be the different teenager I was I pretended that I didn't care about my looks- why waste time doing stuff like that?

Funnily enough I was extremely anti-social and shy. I didn't know how to keep a conversation. I didn't think there was much wrong with my person but my shyness.
In more recent years as I got older I found that I cared a lot more, I bought make up and wouldn't leave the house until I looked decent.

Problem solved right?

Well no not really.

So much I'd think 'I want to be pretty'. I didn't really understand how to become so, I had make up and clothes, so I thought it was going to work.

Taking a line from the 2NE1 song, Ugly. It explains well what a lot of people think:

'Just like her I wanna be pretty'

Who that her is I don't know, of course I don't want to look like someone else- thats stupid, I wouldn't be me then. (Cosplay doesn't count~) But I want to be the best me I could ever hope to be.

So, now I still spend ages on my looks, but when I go out I worry what people are thinking of me, does my make up still look okay? Those people are surely judging me. Why do they seem to look more pretty than I do? They don't even seem to by shy...

Am I alone in these thoughts?

When I was younger (back in time again) I wanted to be a model- even though it was so unrealistic since I wasn't pretty or fit or even cared about current fashion- honestly I still don't, I dress how I want. But at the time I didn't do anything. Now, that thought still pops into my head. I take photos of myself to help improve my confidence, put them places so people might see them and think 'oh thats kinda nice' which really makes me happy, even for that moment, even though I don't believe I am pretty.

So still. No confidence.

Is it okay to want to be a little vain so I can walk with confidence?

Maybe I wanted to be a model but I didn't ever have the confidence to approach someone- incase they told me it would never happen.

So here I go- keep just trying to make myself look the best to me I can. Sometimes people I know might comment and say 'why are you dressing up for? We're only going to (shops/school/whatever)' I don't dress up for them, I dress up for me.

Although I do believe that everyone is beautiful, it is often the matter of how you see yourself. Everyone should be happy to the extent that they can walk and be happy, and not have to worry about how they appear, to not run away from the camera and to not think that everyone is secretly judging you.

Even though this post was quite self-self, I believe its a thing that a lot of people think, especially young adults who are most likely to have an eating disorder or something. What is the world coming to.

Remember to love yourself :)

Even if it seems like an impossible thing to do, work on it! Actually sit and think 'how can I do this?' Think about what makes you a great person.

You can't expect people to love you if you don't love yourself. You're beautiful!